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~Kano-Arina

Arina-Amira
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Devious Journal Entry

Wed Oct 21, 2009, 10:46 PM
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: What He Means- Just Jinger
  • Reading: A Confederacy of Dunces
  • Watching: NCIS Season 7
  • Playing: Oblivion
  • Eating: tacos
  • Drinking: Mountain Dew
I am having trouble lately feeling thankful for what I have now. I keep remembering things from before the big move across the state, and that never helps. I had opportunities everywhere, and now I have almost none. Unless I have the appropriate scores, and even then there isn't much.

And then there's the matter of my "relationship", if you can call it that. I don't know if I can anymore. I care about her, a lot, but I don't feel much reciprocation from her. It's hard, to try and connect with someone who half the time you can't get a hold of or she seems so disconnected or disinterested that it just hurts to watch them seem to not care. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't... I just want to know if she actually wants to try or is just going to leave me when she goes off to college. I want to know if I should actually fight. I want to, but I can not be burned again. It still hurts too much from the last time.

4 Comments

Devious Comments

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:iconyin17:
~yin17 Oct 21, 2009, 11:00:27 PM
hey hun me sorry about whats going on over there, I wish I could be there to gives you a hug cuz you and me both need one.

me understand the "relationship" part a lot I mean being down here with him makes it seem like I not much just that person he can go and run too when he needs someone to care for him, I know I love him a lot though I wont hurt him like he does to me some times but sometimes I wonder if I should just so he can feel what I do. but right now me feel like he came to relize that his betch of an EX is diffently no good for him, but yea me not sure really though, cuz I don't get both sides of every thing.

I say ask her stright up, cuz hell I know me starting to speek up when he does shit and well he's "listening" kinda... ugh I have so much to tell you though.
:icontainted-dreams22:
~Tainted-Dreams22 Oct 21, 2009, 11:50:42 PM
I have no advice to offer (because I fail...), sorry! But I do hope things get better.

--
Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order.
~Samuel Beckett

~KKM-fans Awesome club, check it out!
:iconohmyitsabomb:
~ohmyitsabomb Oct 22, 2009, 12:51:13 AM
    "You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... and you give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you."

    It's true. And hostages get fucked around with a lot.

    Still, pain is a fact of life. Suffering, on the other hand, is a personal choice.

    I know you find it hard to communicate sometimes, but I agree with Yin. Talk to her. Really talk to her. Figurr it out and you'll get that feeling of safety back again. =)


--
    "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
    - Chuck Palahniuk
:iconohmyitsabomb:
~ohmyitsabomb Oct 22, 2009, 12:52:01 AM
    Ha, also, I find a bit of what you've written above to be bitterly ironic.


--
    "We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
    - Chuck Palahniuk
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